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First off, this is my 100th blog post! Thanks for taking this ride with me, everyone! Now on to the juicy parts:

If you haven’t watched the second episode of Bunheads (or are worried about spoilers should you watch it in the future), stop reading now. Cuz I’m about to get all spoiler-y right up in the beginning.

Ready?

Okay.

It was a huge mistake to actually kill Hubbell. There. I said it. I was on the phone with my mother last week, and she said what we all had been thinking: “I can’t believe they killed Hubbell so quickly.” But I had faith! I had hope! I was anticipating a coma, which would ensure that Hubbell was a looming force (much like Colin in Everwood), filling Michelle with simultaneous hope and guilt and providing drama for the rest of the season, culminating in a finale where Hubbell would either die (thus opening Michelle up to pursuing the budding relationship with a hypothetical attractive man she’d been pursuing all season, hint hint, cute lawyer friend who showed up in the last 30 seconds) or wake up from the coma (causing her to reevaluate her life and relationships again). See? I had the entire season all planned out for Amy Sherman-Palladino, and she had to go screw it up by actually killing Hubbell.

The thing is, she took a plot device that would have provided constant drama and character conflict and she literally drove him off a cliff. Well, not literally, because I think what happened was he took a corner too fast, but still. There’s no sadness, because, like Michelle, we don’t know Hubbell from Adam. I’m objectively sad because he was Cameron from Ferris Bueller, and I love Cameron from Ferris Bueller, but I didn’t care about Hubbell, so why should I care about his death?

Furthermore, the bunheads are completely insensitive. I know that they’re teenagers, but Boo was the only person to say “really? We’re using Hubbell’s death as an excuse to skip school and go see a Mark Wahlberg movie?” [Side note, Mark Wahlberg is the extremely topical movie star we’re going with here? The one teenage girls are dying to see? Well okay then.] It’s also very helpful that the bunheads decide that, to hell with Fanny’s crippling depression or 100% understandable grief, they want a ballet class, and they want it now. Sasha kind of comes to her senses, which helps, but still. There’s a difference between being a teenager and being a complete bitch.

And then they started crying about Mark Wahlberg and… I’m officially lost. What is happening on this show?

Not to mention Fanny (Hubbell’s mother) and Truely (Hubbell’s ex-girlfriend), who insist on having a loud discussion in front of Michelle about how Hubbell always loved Truely and true love never dies and they were magical together, weren’t they? Here’s a tip, and I know that I’m still single so I’m not the best person to weigh in on this, but if someone is truly in love with you (pun intended), then they’re not going to marry a showgirl from Vegas. They might not marry you, for a variety of reasons, but they’re not going to marry someone else. So nice try, Fanny, but you’re just making  Michelle feel horrible and giving Truely false hope that this dead man loved her unconditionally, because the evidence points out that… he didn’t.

If I was Michelle, I would say “fuck it, I’m going back to Vegas.” And then there would be no show. See? This is what happens when you kill Hubbell in the pilot.

I wanted to love Bunheads, I really did. And I’ll probably keep up a half-hearted viewership for the rest of the season run (only eight more episodes, after all, not much of a commitment). Maybe I expected too much–maybe I expected Gilmore Girls 2.0, and all the gloriousness that that entails. Bottom line is that I wanted to love Bunheads, and it disappointed me. I have never loved a pilot so much and hated episode two even more.

(I did tear up a little during the final scene when the bunheads pulled their heads out of their asses and performed a memorial dance for Fanny. I’m not made of stone).